Sorry I'm NOT Sorry.

So I have yet to mention my big news.....but now is as good a time as any. I've decided to write a book. I finally feel I have reached a place of security and stability when it comes to my Bipolar Disorder. This blog has really helped me by allowing me to open up candidly and freely about it. For so many years I was ashamed of it. Ashamed of the stigma that came with it. Afraid people would look at me differently and judge me ( mainly because this has happened to me before ). For so many years I just dealt with my issues in silence.....unable and unwilling to disclose private aspects of my life. When I decided to write this blog I felt it was finally time to accept my disorder and embrace it as part of me. I learned that in order to live with my condition, I had to accept it and be open to talking about it. As time passed I discovered I was still me.....nothing was different about myself. Yeah....I have Bipolar Disorder. So do millions of other functional members of society. S...

I swear life just sometimes gets the best of me. Sometimes I become so overwhelmed with work, my personal life, bills, and everything in between that I forget about me. Like just me . My emotions, my feelings, my mood. Life is hard enough. But living life with Bipolar Disorder can be tricky. It's hard to try and tell yourself " you're normal " when sometimes you feel anything but. I have to watch what I eat, drink, my levels of stress, how much I'm sleeping. Any little thing can trigger me. There are all sorts of things that can just send me into a spiral. Did you know that even while taking all of my medication something like stress can deplete it from my bloodstream? Yeah. It's that easy. I could be taking all of my pills every single day....they draw my blood....and it's like it isn't even there. I am constantly freaking out about EVERYTHING . I never want to run into an issue so I am always thinking about my condition, things I can do to simplify...

The end of the year is coming.....bringing the end of one year and the hopeful beginning of another. This time of year is always so reflective for me. I ( like many others out there ) find myself reminiscing on the past year.......reliving all of the moments that made up that year. There are always good times and bad......amazing times...happy times...sad times. I enjoy playing the moments back......as if they were being projected for me on a screen. I feel that during this time of reflection I always discover just how much the past year has changed me. What a different person I have become. How much my views on life have changed.......how much I have changed as an individual. 2014 was without a doubt MY year. I have made SO many changes and come SUCH a long way from January of this year. I have had my fair share of changes......from my separation and divorce, to reconciling with my dad, coming to peace with the fact that my life isn't perfect.....nor am I...and knowing in my ...

Today I woke up feeling 28. Like really feeling 28. Not only because I turn 28 today....but I'm REALLLLLY feeling 28. Despite the fact that I officially have to accept that I am in my " late 20s ", I am feeling so fucking fabulous in my own skin. I am so proud of the woman that I have become. I look back on the road it took to get here and I just can't help but be so proud. I've endured and tackled so much....I honestly never thought I would make it to this place. This place of absolute love and happiness . I've learned to love and respect myself.....for all that I am...at this moment in time. There has been so much growth in my personal relationships. I couldn't be happier with them. My family is amazing. My friends are the shit. So I've decided that since I'm turning 28 this year I would share 28 random facts about myself on my blog. 28 for 28 I have 3 big scars on my body......all from being a dare devil. When I was younger I us...

All this talk about Amanda Bynes really got me thinking about my own life. My own struggles with mental illness. The despair that you feel when you have no control over your own life.......or do you? My heart goes out to Amanda Bynes and her family in this trying time. She clearly needs all of the attention and help she can get right now. I look back at my 3 different catastrophic meltdowns and I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like to experience those in the public eye. To have people watching....waiting...blogging your every move. Turning your own personal hell into gossip fodder. Waiting for the second you do some bat shit crazy crap so they can cash in on your demise. At least I got to experience my crazy in private. Thank god. It is no secret that Amanda Bynes is suffering from some sort of mental illness. It is clear that while she was medicated she was a normal member of society. It is also clear that once off her meds (which are a necessity when livi...

You read that right. I propose a toast to being selfish. To putting ourselves first. Now when I say " lets be selfish " I do not mean fuck everyone in your life......they all come second to King/Queen you. I mean maybe it is time to concern yourself more with what makes YOU happy.....and a little less with what makes everyone else happy. I think we get so caught up with being the " nice guy ". We worry about everyone else. Their reactions, their thoughts, their feelings. But what about ours? When do we start to spend a little more time thinking about our own happiness? I know it's super " selfish " to think that way......and as a society we have been trained to view being selfish as wrong or fucked up.......which to a certain extent I agree with. But...what is so wrong with putting ourselves first? Ahead of the opinions and thoughts of our family/friends. In front of our 'contractual obligations' as people. This blog was brought about by...

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.....hence the late night blog sesh. Expectations are lame. I'm throwing that fact out there right now. I think expectations are stupid. If you really sit and think about it.....all an expectation is is the "idea" of something/someone/an experience. Just that. An idea. It isn't the promise of anything....it isn't the guarantee of the turn out you expected. I've experienced plenty of let downs in my life because " reality " didn't meet my " expectation ". Go fucking figure. I know you have experienced the same let down. It just is what it is. We expect and get our hopes up.....shit goes sour......we get angry. Vicious cycle. I recently blogged about not giving my dad another chance. Not allowing myself to let him in and possibly hurt me again.  I received a lot of feedback regarding that blog (BIG thanks to everyone who reached out, sent messages, and shared their views regarding the ...