Happiness Is...

Life is crazy because we always think we know what makes us happy.....what exactly it is that we are searching for that will make us happy.

I know there are some sappy ridiculous quotes that say "Stop searching....when you least expect it....it will find you." I used to believe that was a crock of shit.......but it's actually true. I know it's true because it happened to me. When you stop searching for it.....it comes to you. Unexpectedly. Unannounced. Happiness just shows up.....and I couldn't be more thrilled about it.

I've spent so many years of my life searching....as I know many of you have. Searching for acceptance, guidance, happiness, love, joy, peace. Have you ever noticed when you stop looking for something you find it? I once spent WEEKS searching for my favorite necklace. I had given up hope and considered the necklace a total loss. Randomly this one day I was going through a box and boom....there it was. No idea why or how on earth it wound up there......but I was so excited to find it. I think that's the way life is supposed to work. When we stop searching for things to fulfill us they randomly make their way into our lives.

I really do believe that everything in life happens for a reason. We endure the good and the bad in our lives because they build us. They all shape us into the people we are. Sometimes we just aren't ready for the things we desire most. Sometimes we have to endure certain trials and tribulations in order to make sure we are ready for the things to come. We have to grow....mature...evolve. God has GREAT things in store for us. He just wants to make sure we are ready and able to appreciate them. I really believe that.

I have been so insanely happy. Every aspect of my life has taken an amazing turn for the better. Work, Friends, Love.....all an amazing shift. I'm starting to believe it is because I reached a point in my life where I stopped searching and just allowed life to take its course.

Happiness is to me............just being happy. Truly loving yourself for all that you are.....in every moment of your life. Happiness is embracing all.....and just letting yourself be truly free. It takes a lot for a person to go through difficult times and still find the good in the experience. I can tell you right now....that everything I have been through....everything I have endured.....has brought me to this moment in my life....and I couldn't be happier. I am the happiest I have ever been. I am beginning to see the good in the bad.....the brilliance that can come from something once tarnished. I've learned that the only person who can define your happiness is you and you alone.

Once you reach the point of total freedom in your head and your heart you can truly appreciate the amazing things that life has to offer. We can all sit and dwell on the things that didn't work....the stuff that fell apart....the pain and hurt we have felt in our lives. What good will that do? Does it really make you happy to drag around the bad from your past? We get it......we all have some fucked up shit we have dealt with in our lives. I am WELL aware of this. When are we going to allow ourselves to let it go and just move on? We are always the hardest on ourselves. We replay things in our mind.....we refuse to let things go. We need answers and feel everything has to make perfect sense. Crazy thing is it doesn't.....sometimes some of the shittiest things that happen to us come without a reason or an explanation. Unexpectedly.

I feel sometimes the unexpected just appears into our lives not by coincidence......but by fate.

Fate works in crazy ways.

Happiness to me.....allowing myself to have faith in fate. Knowing that there is always something bigger in the stars for me. The security in my heart of knowing I am FUCKING BLESSED. Happiness to me is allowing myself to finally appreciate the amazing things that have come into my life......because I deserve them.

What is happiness to you? What makes you smile and warms your heart and soul? Allow yourself to stop searching for the things that make you happy or searching for the reasons things didn't work out and just live in the now. Live in the present. Soon enough.....I promise happiness will appear....in the least likely place. Unexpectedly. Unannounced.

"The moments of happiness we enjoy the most take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them......but that they seize us" -Ashley Montagu

Freedom

Freedom seems so natural to all of us. A God given right most of us would say. We are born free. Free to choose love. Free to live our lives....to laugh and enjoy every moment that we have. I think in a way we all get so caught up in the day to day we call life that we almost take our freedom for granted. What if we suddenly weren't free? What if we lost all control? If we got so stuck in the roll of a prisoner to our own lives that we aren't living free at all?

I say this because I was once a prisoner.....to myself. I allowed myself to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. I stopped letting my voice be heard. In a twisted way I became "OK" with being static. Granted I was out living my life. I went to work, hung out with friends.....did all of the things a normal, free person would do. Yet as I look back on life the last several years I realized I wasn't free at all. I was miserable and lying to myself and those around me.

They say in order to make another person happy you must in turn be happy with yourself. Looking back, I wasn't happy at all. I was a walking, talking, depressed skeleton-like version of myself. A lesser version of who I once was. I became that person who just went with the motions because I was so comfortable I didn't know any better. The worst part of it all was I convinced myself I didn't deserve better. How sad.....to know you're miserable but still convince yourself you don't deserve better.

I'll never forget the feeling I felt in my heart......deep in my soul actually, when I finally snapped back to MY reality and allowed myself to truly be free. It hit me like a fucking freight train. I don't deserve this. I DESERVE better. Once that snap happened it was like a fire lit under my ass. This revelation allowed me to set my soul free. It was in that moment that I stopped caring how much work it took, who I had to hurt, what I had to walk away from.....I was on a fucking MISSION to set myself free.

It is so crazy to think how complacent we become. How much we settle for what is comfortable and right now. We don't really take the time to evaluate our lives, our heart, our soul......to figure out if we are truly free. Freedom isn't just the ability to marry who you want, live where you want, or vote for the president. Freedom is a state of mind. A place your heart lives in. The location your soul wanders to.

Freedom comes with a price. It takes work. We as humans are constantly evolving. Our interests and tastes are always changing. We are always advancing and maturing. Our lives are progressing forward with each day that passes. With this constant change brings change in our heart and soul. It takes more to be truly free. It is a constant uphill battle. Being truly free isn't for the faint of heart.....nor is it for those who crave instant gratification. True freedom takes work. Every single day......we must work to remain free.

We ALL want to live freely.....so why not fucking do it?! We get so caught up in life that I think many of us forget what it feels like to be truly free. We settle into our lives and convince ourselves that being truly free is unrealistic and unattainable. How sad a life where our heart and soul is a prisoner must be.....I should know....I was living that life for what now feels like an eternity.

Let's all strive for freedom. We should all be working to keep our soul and our heart happy. Fill your life with what makes you happy. If you love to color in coloring books...fucking do it. You like to lay on the grass and make shapes out of clouds with no regard for anything other than that moment in time......go for it! Laughing with friends until you almost pee your pants tickle your fancy.....make that a priority in your life! Money comes and goes.....looks fade......material possessions are here today and gone tomorrow. Your soul and your heart on the other hand....those are a part of you FOREVER. Why not nourish them and set them free? That feeling I felt the day I allowed myself to be truly free is something money can't buy. Nothing can substitute that feeling. Allow yourself to be truly free. I promise you the experience is something truly magical. A magic I know we ALL deserve to experience.

"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's gotta happen inside first." - Jim Morrison