Life has been moving people. Just moving right along. Pretty fucking quickly if you ask me. Like HOW are we already in the middle of March?!!?
I've been so busy lately. I find myself struggling in my attempt to stay up to speed with the rate my life has been moving lately.
Just to update....I've finally been cleared to see a surgeon regarding my HS (that autoimmune condition I was diagnosed with a while back). Apparently I've reached stage 3 and the only option now would be surgery......which is both exciting AND terrifying. I see her this week so I'll know more of what I'm looking at moving forward then. To be clear - Stage 3 doesn't mean I'm dying or anything. It just means every round of treatment has failed and the condition continues to get worse.....meaning I'm going to need surgery to remove all sections of affected/scarred skin in hopes of reducing the amount of flare ups I'm experiencing.
I've also started a medication change. Lithium has been so amazing to me for so many years......but it is starting to take it's toll on my body (kidneys, liver, hair). Lithium therapy is also one of the BIGGEST triggers (next to tomatoes), that really affects my condition. I've been looking into the switch for a while now. My reality is that if I continue on lithium, I'll eventually need a kidney transplant. Once I discovered all of the day to day items affecting my HS, I decided to start eliminating them in hopes of reducing my flare ups. So now that I've confirmed that surgery IS on the horizon at some point, I've decided to venture out and try a new medication. I started the new meds last week, and will begin working to taper down the Lithium in the hope to be completely off it and fully transition to the new medication in the next month or two.
I can't even begin to discuss my fear when it comes to all I just updated you on. I'm overwhelmed, terrified, worried, nervous.....just a million thoughts and emotions I'm running through at any given time. I find myself having panic attacks more frequently because I just feel like this is all A LOT......but then I remind myself how much I have been through.......all of the things I've endured to get to this place in my life. This place of stability, comfort, happiness, and peace. I've come too far and pushed myself through SO MUCH bullshit to not continue to trust in the timing of MY life.
Never doubt the timing of your life. Trust in it.
I've been dealing with certain issues for many years.......and after fighting a rough fight, things are really starting to turn in my favor. Work is BEYOND busy, which is such a blessing. The bond with my family and friends is closer than ever. I'm allowing myself to catch feels again (which I literally felt would never happen again after the shit show that was my last relationship). I've got several things lining up......and while the unknown is terrifying as fuck, it is equally, if not more, exciting than anything.
Yes. I'm fucking nervous. DEAD ASS nervous. Fucking terrified. But I'm hopeful. And feeling so beyond blessed that these opportunities are presenting themselves to ME. I'm learning to trust in the timing of my life.....and put faith in the process.
Sometimes life is overwhelming. More often than not it's beyond overwhelming. But we have to trust in the timing of our lives. We have to know that people enter and exit for a reason. Doors open and close.....opportunities present themselves when we least expect them, but are so ready for them.
Life is unpredictable. Seriously. You could plan your WHOLE FUCKING LIFE OUT......and then a wrench gets thrown in.......flipping your script in the blink of an eye. When something gets placed in your lap......embrace it....figure out the way YOU feel is best to deal with it.....and TRUST in the timing. Remember that nothing is ever too much to handle or deal with.......especially when you have supportive family and friends to help carry the load when it is too heavy for you to do it alone.
Be present. Be in the moment. Experience life. Remember that even when in the deep of it.....the tide always turns. The timing, no matter how off it appears, always has a purpose. Trust in that purpose. Put your faith in what is greater than you. And know you've GOT THIS.
So next time life throws some wacky ass shit your way.......take a step back to process it....understand it.....and trust in the timing of it. There is a reason for it. To teach you something about yourself. To reaffirm your confidence in yourself and YOUR abilities to handle the shit life throws your way. To allow you to give a life lesson or support to someone else. Whatever the reason is......it will reveal itself when the time is right.
So trust in it. And yourself. Because you're pretty great and just like I know I'm gonna handle all this shit like a BOSS..........I know you can handle anything too.
"You can't always wait for the perfect time. Sometimes, you just have to dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what could have been" - unknown
