So 2016 arrived and I realized....I'm turning 30 this year. I've literally lived 3 decades. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my journey thus far. All of the ups and downs, the highs and lows. All of the things I have experienced. Opportunities I have had. Dreams I have accomplished. Remembering the moments that changed my life. The relationships I have made.....lost....walked away from. I've spent a lot of time thinking about my friendships. All the people I surround myself with. Everything I have experienced with the friends I have made throughout my life.
Friendships are so interesting. I value and cherish the friends I have in my life. I treat them as my own family. I love and care for them, want the best for them always, and stand by their side through the good times and the bad. I have always been the type of friend to reach out, touch base, check in. Make sure to make every effort to keep the friendship going. I've noticed over the years that it takes WORK to keep a friendship alive....but not just work on one end.....work on BOTH ends.
It has been a tough realization over the years.....but I have discovered that not everyone is willing to work as hard as you are to keep a friendship going. Not everyone values friendship the same way I do. Sometimes as much as you love someone.....and in spite of the history you two might share....people grow apart. Friendships change. Priorities change. Lives grow apart. No matter what effort you make....something is different. The effort that was once made to keep a cherished friendship alive no longer exists. So at what point do you walk away? At what point do you stop trying? When do you make peace with the fact that you just
I've always worked hard to keep my friends. I have MANY acquaintances in my life. I have met many people throughout my life. But friends, people I trust, people I let into my world, share my darkest secrets with? Those are rare. The people I call friends are my family. There is no in between in my eyes. I like to reach out to my friends to see how they are doing. I like for them to know I am thinking of them. For them to know that even though life gets crazy and we don't see each other often, I love them and cherish them in my life. I've discovered over the years people don't necessarily reciprocate. I've accepted that not everyone is like me. I've tried to live life without expectations....but fuck that shit. Honestly. I want to get back what I put in.....in EVERY aspect of my life. How long are you going to reach out, with your efforts not being matched? In the slightest bit? At what point do you look at a situation and say....this is one sided as fuck? It sucks to come to terms with the idea that the people you once felt SO CLOSE to have become strangers. How do you close that chapter? Do you call someone out? Do you try to make it right? Should you even bother? Is it just a waste of time?
I've been feeling a certain type of way about friendships the last 2 years. I've really spent a lot of time assessing everything, analyzing everything. Making mental notes. I've realized that in life, you get what you give. I've always been the type of friend to give.........but have realized lately I don't get back half of what I'm giving. How is that fair? Life gets complicated and crazy-busy the older we get. This isn't high school anymore where you sit with your friends at every break, every lunch, hang out after school. We are all adults with bills, careers, relationships, families. We just don't have the time to invest in a friendship like when we were younger.....but just because we don't have as much time anymore doesn't make it ok to just ignore a friend......not bother to reach out...and expect them to be waiting for you. I just started to feel jaded and upset about the whole idea of friendships. Like why should I always have to be the one to text you to see how you are doing? Why should I always be the one to suggest making plans? I feel like I'm the only one putting in any sort of an effort.....and when you love and cherish a friendship you make the equal effort. It's nice to feel loved.......but what about making someone feel loved back?
I've just decided to give myself my place. I'm not going to call someone and start a fight. I'm not going to tell you "pay attention to me". I'm just done. Notice we haven't spoken in months? Why is that? Noticed I don't text you to say "hi" anymore? Ever wonder why that might be?
Relationships.....all relationships...every type of relationship.....are a two-way street. Effort needs to be made on both parts. People need to feel they are cared for as much as they care for you. And when they realize they aren't......don't be surprised when they don't come around anymore. Don't be surprised when you don't hear from them. Don't act shocked when you realize your friendship has changed and you have grown apart.
I'm not saying you need to text every friend every single day. I'm not saying you need to have dinner plans once a week. I'm saying make the effort. Assess your friendships. Are you really getting out of them what you are putting in to them? If you aren't.....maybe it's time to reevaluate some shit in your life. Every person loves to feel loved. Appreciated. Thought about. No one wants to feel as though their efforts aren't being reciprocated. And honestly.....when someone finally realizes and accepts that their efforts aren't in fact being reciprocated......they stop putting forth an effort all together.
Take time to really look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you are being to others the type of friend you want for yourself? If not......maybe it is time to change some stuff before you wake up one day and realize all the friends you once had are gone. And if you are that friend always putting forth the effort.....maybe it is time to give yourself your place if your efforts aren't being matched. In life we only get what we give. It would be a shame to wake up and realize you were so wrapped up in your own shit that you didn't even notice those awesome friends you once had have become distant strangers you don't even know anymore. Sometimes in life "friends" just become "acquaintances". Sometimes "acquaintances" become "strangers".....and in life, it is SO easy to go from friends to strangers.......but SO hard to go from stranger to friend again. Think about it.
"I decided to put as much effort into contacting you as you do with me - that's why we don't talk anymore" -unknown
