Sorry I'm NOT Sorry.

11/3/21 I'll be logging my mood every few days....and maybe....just maybe.....one day I'll get the courage to post this because I feel people should know what depression is. What it looks like. How it masquerades around as something else. Well for me anyway. This is just my experience. Maybe some of you will relate....maybe some of you will read this and see things from a different perspective. Who fucking knows. All I know is writing is my safe space. So here we are. We are always so shocked when we hear someone has committed suicide. Like how? What would bring them to that point?  FUCKING DEPRESSION BRO. The depression talks.......and its comments are deafening. It makes you believe things that aren't real........like this "feeling" is permanent. This will NEVER get better. There is NO hope. And coming from someone who is trying SO fucking hard to fight against that voice......I can completely understand why someone would do it. Because it's the only way to ...

They always say there are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth. Well that also pertains to life as well. There is ALWAYS what we choose to share, what we choose to leave out, and what we are ACTUALLY dealing with/processing/struggling with.  It’s weird to say I’m a private person, or I don’t like putting my life on display, when I have a blog where I share VERY private and personal parts of myself……but this blog doesn’t give you access to all of me. My personal demons. My daily struggles. My heartbreak. My pain. This blog gives you access to what I ALLOW you to have access to….just like social media.  There are so many daily struggles we all have….myself included. Sometimes my physical pain is so bad, I physically cannot get out of bed. Sometimes my depression is so bad, I don’t want to get out of bed. Life can honestly feel like a constant struggle. There have been countless times I have found myself asking God why? Why me?  I post photos laughing with ...