It’s weird to say I’m a private person, or I don’t like putting my life on display, when I have a blog where I share VERY private and personal parts of myself……but this blog doesn’t give you access to all of me. My personal demons. My daily struggles. My heartbreak. My pain. This blog gives you access to what I ALLOW you to have access to….just like social media.
There are so many daily struggles we all have….myself included. Sometimes my physical pain is so bad, I physically cannot get out of bed. Sometimes my depression is so bad, I don’t want to get out of bed. Life can honestly feel like a constant struggle. There have been countless times I have found myself asking God why? Why me?
I post photos laughing with friends, enjoying moments with family, sharing funny videos……..yet there are so many times that behind those curated moments, I just feel alone, trapped and lost. I feel anger, pain, sorrow. Wishing there would just be an end to the shit luck I'm having….wondering if ending things would be easier. People don’t see that. They don’t live in my mind or thoughts. They don't know those parts of me. They only see what I allow them to see…….because life is easier that way. Keeping people at bay. Creating a barrier between the truth and what is shared…….almost in a sense to protect myself from becoming too vulnerable.
It makes me sad to think that we live in a world where being vulnerable and exposing parts of ourselves is bad. It’s almost become something we strive for…never allowing people to see us for who we really are….because people can’t hurt what they don’t have access to. One thing I’m ALL too familiar with is the regret I've felt after opening myself up, becoming vulnerable, sharing parts of myself I keep private…only to end up hurt......but why should I feel hurt? Becoming vulnerable allows me to process, to reconcile, to move forward. I guess in that moment I don't see it like that. Or maybe it is because we are conditioned to view vulnerability as weakness.
We NEED vulnerability. We need to talk about what we feel and what we are going through. I think creating this blog allowed me to open myself up to people in a way I never dreamed I could. It has opened the door to so many amazing friendships, connections and conversations. My own vulnerability allowed me to realize we are FAR MORE ALIKE than we realize.
It’s interesting what being vulnerable does.....and even more interesting when we see others being vulnerable as well. It allows us to realize we are all HUMAN. We feel. We fuck up. We AREN’T perfect nor filtered. Pain, loss, grief, struggle…..they don’t discriminate. But sometimes dealing with them makes us feel so utterly alone…..when in reality a majority of us are all experiencing the same types of emotions and are missing that connection and opportunity to bond with someone because of our fear of vulnerability and being hurt.
Life is weird. It honestly makes no fucking sense. I’ll never fully grasp why things happen the way they do. What HAS helped me come to terms with and helped me accept the “WHY” is knowing at the end of the day we are ALL asking ourselves these same questions. We are ALL dealing with some form of pain/heartbreak/loss/etc. We are ALL dealing with something and we are ALL at some point or another, dealt shitty cards. We just don’t know it because we are only really getting access to a fraction of the truth……..the fraction people choose to share.
So be kind to yourself…..and to others. Be gentle in your approach to life. Allow yourself to feel, and be vulnerable, even if in the end things don’t turn out the way you had hoped. And remember, next time you’re scrolling through IG or watching videos on TikTok or Snapchat…..this isn’t real life. This is what people WANT you to see. What people hand selected for you to know. There is so much more behind that.
You aren’t alone. Don’t be afraid to let people know your truth. You would be SURPRISED at how many of us are all going through it……not talking about it……and could use a friend.
So for those of you reading this that are going through shit I’d never know about because your social media is so perfect and cute…..get at me. I’d love to chat and provide a safe space for us to share, get shit out, process, and feel better.
"Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging....of love" - Brene Brown
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