Sorry I'm NOT Sorry.

2018 has been a wild year. I honestly have felt every single feeling in the book this year. Happiness, sadness, heartbreak, anger, resentment. You name it....I felt it. But of all the feelings I experienced this year, regret wasn't one of them. Not when it came to making certain decisions about who to surround myself with. Who to share my energy with. I think we regret certain decisions throughout our life. It's pretty impossible to live a life without a single regret. In all actuality, I think regrets are what shape us. Turn us into different people. There have been certain moments in my life I look back on and regret.....I think we all do.....but I know that I have never regretted the decisions I have made when it comes to the people I have in my life. The people I choose to surround myself with.....and those who I politely remove from my life. I swear this year felt like both the longest and shortest year of my life. January felt like 100 years.....then I woke up and i...

My whole life I thought finding the partner you spend your life with meant finding the person that made you whole. Complete. The one person who was your other half. The missing piece of you. At a point in my life I thought I had found that. I thought I was finally complete. Over time, I couldn't figure out why I wasn't happy. Why I felt alone. Why I never felt whole. It turns out I never was complete. When I ended my relationship I felt so alone and so lost. I had given so much of myself to my partner and our relationship that I lost myself somewhere along the way. I had spent so much of my time trying to make someone else happy....and whole. Giving up parts of myself to fill the missing pieces of another.  I never realized until this point in my life that it was never about finding my other half. The missing component. You can't look to another to make you whole. It isn't someone else's job to make you complete. It is YOUR job to make YOURSELF complete....

I've been trying so hard lately to get out of my weirdo funk. Ever since I broke up with my ex I've been in a cloud of emotions. I'm happy, sad, angry. Angry about the fact that I'm sad. Sad about the fact that I'm angry. I'm like a fucking hot mess of feelings. Depression is brutal......and for me it masquerades around like I'm super happy. It's hard to ever tell I'm actually depressed because I always seem so happy. So full of life. So put together. Well I'm fucking not. At all. I'm a shit show of feelings......none of which present themselves at the right time. Feelings don't give a SHIT about you....or where you are....what you are doing.....about what you are dealing with in that moment. They just show the fuck up unannounced and unwarranted. Unwelcome. You could be PERFECTLY fine and then BOOM.....memories flood in and you're crying in line at TJ Maxx holding a light up pineapple, rose water spray, and 2 bags of chocolate co...

I know you’re all expecting the chisme or the badmouth.....but what good does it do to badmouth the one you once loved? To you. I wish you well. And that’s all I have to say about that. This one isn’t even about you ( as much as I know you’re hoping it is ). It’s about getting back to me. I lost myself somewhere between trying to find myself and trying to keep something alive that had run its course a long time before it actually ended. I spent a very long time trying to love someone who truly doesn’t love themselves......and let me tell you...that is a very draining and ultimately impossible task. Oddly enough, I don’t regret a single second. I’m not sad I tried as long as I did. I’d be lying to myself if I tried to be anyone else other than who I am.....a caring person who loves the SHIT out of her circle....and her life. Giving it any less than 100% from beginning to end would have been a disservice to myself....and I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I kn...