How are YOU?!

I'm outspoken as fuck and a majority of the time I just want to look at someone that asks me that and say:

"Well my husband ex-husband lied to me the entire time we were together. He is an alcoholic. He has rage issues.....he can't make any decisions for himself since he still sucks his moms tits....oh and after 2 months of being married I decided to file for divorce. How the FUCK are you?"

But I refrain. I breathe in deep and smile and say "I'm great thank you", mainly because airing my dirty laundry to the whole world isn't the thing to do (yes I am aware I did just that above....and it felt fucking AMAZING so fuck off if you don't like it). 

For those of you who have been wondering, calling, texting, or sitting with your thoughts because you aren't sure how to bring it up to me......I promise you I am fine. I am fucking FREE. I haven't been free, nor have I felt this alive, in years. I am relishing every second of every day because the feeling I get when I wake up in the morning is like a drug. When you suffer in hell for so long eventually you forget what it feels like to be alive. FYI: It feels FANTASTIC. 

It shocks me just how "OK" we become with things. How much we voluntarily sweep under the rug called our lives because we are hoping things will change.....or we don't want to get others involved in our issues. When people would see me out and ask how I was doing....I wish I would have told more people "I'm fucking miserable actually." Maybe had I just been honest with myself and my feelings sooner I might have been able to avoid the mess that has become my life. Why do we sit waiting for people to ask us how we are doing?! Why don't we ask OURSELVES that question? Like why don't I wake up and ask "How the fuck are you doing today Jackie? Let's assess your feelings today." We all get so caught up with life, rent, bills, relationships, drama, Chipotle, social media, bullshit, etc. that we never really take the time out to assess our own feelings. Maybe if we as individuals were to take more time to ask ourselves how we are doing instead of always concerning ourselves with how everyone else is doing we would all feel a tad bit more free.

I propose we start assessing ourselves. Each and every day. Check in with you. Touch base with your head and your heart. Ask yourself "How are YOU?" Be real with yourself. Be open with your feelings. Address them and respect them for all that they are.....and all that they aren't. As I said above.....maybe had I taken a little more time to address my own feelings, I would have realized that I knew my relationship was fucked. I knew we were doomed. I knew we would never make it a year. I knew all of this.....yet I chose to ignore the feelings and the signs because I didn't want to accept the reality of MY situation.....which was that I wasn't doing well at all. 

Faking smiles and avoiding your feelings are temporary band-aids for a more serious and pressing issue. You can't hide from your heart forever. I couldn't hide from mine......you're no exception. So do yourself a favor. Don't make the same mistake I did. Look yourself in the mirror honestly every single day and ask the most important person in the whole world this question every day:

"How are YOU?"

I promise you won't regret it. 

"Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something YOU design for the present" -Jim Rohn