It's not about the cards....

So I've been MIA.....again. Partly because of how busy life gets. Partly because of health shit. Mainly because I haven't felt the urge to write. This blog has become my therapeutic sanctuary. The place I come to when I need to just express myself. Writing has always been a passion of mine......and lately I haven't had much passion for anything.

I've been dealing with this issue for some time now. I've seen doctors, specialists, you name it. I've undergone almost every type of blood test possible. Turns out, I have an autoimmune disorder. Just my fucking luck right? Another lifelong condition I didn't ask for and now get to deal with.

I've felt pretty much every emotion possible to be quite honest. Mostly sadness. I've felt pretty fucking depressed and sad. And angry. Lots of "why me's"?! I've cried........a lot. I've been in INSANE amounts of physical pain.....some days I can't get up from bed at all. Yet somehow, the emotional pain feels so much worse than the physical. Crazy right?

When I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 11 years ago, I spent so many years in denial. Not willing to accept the card I had been dealt. Refusing treatment, medication, acceptance....just refusing to accept any of it...hoping if I didn't accept it to be "my reality", it would just go away. Which quite honestly only made things worse for me. Not this time. This time is different. I'm older...wiser...STRONGER.

Today, someone I love very much reached out to me out of the blue.......and said the most beautiful and kind words. It was like she just knew I needed to hear something.....anything to give me some hope. She expressed how strong she has always known I am.....how so many people look to me for strength....and that with my family, friends, and faith, I can get through anything life throws my way.

In life, it's not about the cards you're dealt.......it's how you play the hand. Now, I'm no card shark like my sister.......and I have no idea what hand wins in poker.....but I do know I've become really good at turning shitty situations around for the better. I refuse to let "not so fortunate cards" keep me down. Sure I'm human.....and I get knocked down....but I won't stay down. I'll get back up and continue forward in the pursuit of MY best life.....filled with love, happiness, and laughter.

You are never given challenges too heavy or hard to handle. Not when you are strong, believe in yourself, and have some BADASS people in your corner.

Tomorrow is a different day. A better day. A chance to LIVE another day. Not all are so fortunate. So don't let a shitty hand keep you down.......play that shit like a FUCKING BOSS.


"No matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow"- Maya Angelou